is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
