Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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