I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
