That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
