I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm both gender and math confused
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
