This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
