how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
