The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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