I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ladies don't puke and tell
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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