I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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