I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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