Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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