did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
