I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it was like eating out sand paper
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
