So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize