it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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