this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
