Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize