so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
