I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
