We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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