she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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