My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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