She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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