You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
