i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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