You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
