You can't motorboat a personality
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
