I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I pour the whiskey from now on
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