The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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