No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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