I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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