So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
