So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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