i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
