jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
