she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
