I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize