i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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