My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
