Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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