if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
