The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
