i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
