You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
