Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
