i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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