Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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