Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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