We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
