ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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