Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
is wine microwaveable?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
