maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
