Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
