One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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