True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
