I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
