I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
