i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
