I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
