They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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