Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
