Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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