At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Four minutes until I can fart!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
