I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
