So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
