**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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