you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
