I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
